we hover in habitual
despair too sensitive
for milk and cheap shoes
our plantar fasciitis aches
as soon as our feet touch
the hardwood floors
this preference for Egyptian
cotton and eco-friendly
cleansers exceeds the peri-
menopausal spotting while
quietly, in retro-linoleum
kitchens, we admit to kegels
our fears of flaccid
vaginal walls outweigh
taboos friendships bridge
disembodied, I wafted
from one broken facet to another
all terrified and calcified along my spine
interrupted messages, unnerved and random
caused a plaintive quality, a nasal timbre
as if the only option were; cry
to hoist each fragment
out of the mine shaft
of solitary confinement
seemed paralyzing
but it didn’t pay to rattle around
in my own echo chamber any longer
life was time sensitive
and the double hemispheres
had synchronized, patience had worn thin
sensuality, with its humor,pithy and hot
wanted a faster train of thought
the challenge to un-split despite
constricted potentials outside the box
and the purported marginality
of a gender neutral stance
came as a fantastic consequence
there were no caveats, no expectations
the only repetitive stress could be assuaged
with symbolic gestures: a Ganesh shirt
an expandable Buddha; the photo gallery in my Droid
the Rainrap, ineffective in east coast October
and the 33 De Camp bus, slightly late
hand-picked rendez vu’s allowed for
the arc of self over four decades, unapologetic autonomy
whenever we celebrate this many shuffled-over years
our multi-generational perplexity can soften
a congruity of forgiveness and mutual sorrow
crippling stories and generosity
renew the common thread
balancing genetic with chosen
we may close our eyes
or open them
without grave dangers
resonating forward
from various pasts
and when the song comes
we can sing
she struggles with her reptilian
brain, hedonic and reactive
the age old desire to store fat
her goal fluctuates as if
lifetime is a range adapted
from an on-line chart
small signs of age gather
in her larder; individually
wrapped snacks and berry fruities
zen moments are impeded by a widening
gap beside the right incisor and the daily
search for misplaced progressive lenses
lithe memories abound
the resonant thrill of eye to eye
contact, first kisses all over the globe
equilibrium keeps elusive company
mood swings and intermittent blood
in exchange for metered rhythms
all of the self-care sign-posts
have similar fonts in big letters
soft curves and a welcome-in aspect
she hovers at the back of a morning
meeting, sports a make-shift badge
and new age water bottle
with the onslaught of celery and persistent
calculation around portion control
she shifts her weight
slow twitch fibers require
more time to kick-in
the skinny PT encourages
use of vaginal weights
while she stands at her sink
rinses organic lettuce
pulls the string on the spinner
15 minutes into her body
repetitive contractions peak
in a bright red line
on the computer screen
she bends her knees
lifts inside herself
deep central levator
ani up toward core-heart
keeps breathing and talks
her way through death
weans her child
flattens her belly
supports her waning bladder
they take more oxygen
she realizes, as if breath
might be the answer once again
the rami formed in terror
disrupted slow build
reinforced quick-twitch
and she flew in fear, shivered
quaked, held her breath
let go of the power built
in solitary silence
that which lifts us over time
Ahh, the dangers
of a symbolic mind,
so connected to detritus,
so fond of the fading water
stain on a poster-tube
with its blue Par Avion sticker
still intact.